welcome to my life

its been such a long long time...

2007-04-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

nothin can describe how much i miss her... how much i love her... even though she told me not to constrain myself from saying the 3 words, 'i love u...' but... part of me still tells myself tt i shouldnt say it too many times... it will defeat the purpose.. like how she said... anyway, in my heart... i'm telling her i love u almost every sec!! hehe.. i really do... i cant have anythin more wonderful than the love she gave me... i really feel so in love... this feeling is the most marverlous, wonderful, sensationalful.. lol.. got this words meh? anyway, i'm really very happy everyday when i noe tt i have her as my gf... though we're so far apart... but nothin is goin to change my love for her de...

i think this entry, nobody will see 1.. lol.. cause i've stop blogging for so long liao!! haha.. dear dear also give up hope on me liao.. lol... anyway, i dun plan to let any1 see it... i just want to show it to my bao bei when i go australia... i want to let her noe tt actually besides all the msg i sent her in friendster, all the stories i've tell her... i still write in blog about my feelings for her... i just cant control myself from stopping to love her so much... my heart just keeps telling me to just give my everythin for this relationship... she always say i put in too much for the relationship.. than she didnt put in as much.. but tt doesnt matter at all dear... cause i'm really really happy to put in so much... really!! hehe... dear... all these days while ure away... i have always tried to get stronger each day... i really do! but if i still didnt reach ur expectation, plz dun get angry or disappointed in me k...? love me as who i am k? of course i'll change for the better... so.. not to worry bout tt k?

dear... its so late now le.. tml i still got to go NKF.. stupid NKF.. ah... think i better turn in now... dear dear... I love u so much!!! when talking to u i cant say... but i wanna say it here!! cause i noe no body will come see 1... yan lin bao bei!!!! I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!!I love u so much!!! hehe... i really do!!! my love for u will nv end de... take good care my love... Wan an.... see u in my dreams!!! hehe..

its been 2 months.. wow...

2006-09-27T11:29:00.000+08:00

eh.... how long i didnt blog liao huh.... hee.. its like eh... 2 months le.. wow.. time files.. during this period of time, there are many events that occur that i didnt tell u.. on 30th august.... i went to chalet with linlin... it was all so happy and wonderful... we met up and took bus together to pasir-ris... hehe.. after which, we settle down and just relax... tt silly dear... wanted to give me a surprise.. she planned with meiqi in the dark to hold a bbq just outside our chalet.. then those fuckers come... haha.. pour the freaking cream on me.. ah!!! it smells like milk at first then it smell like vomit ah... wtf... but i was shocked and got shocked till very happy... mark, dicky, weng shit, jordan, edwin, andy, xiang long all came.. we had so much fun.... the planning was made by linlin and meiqi one... thank you so so much..... at nitez, when everybody went home, me and linlin slept together... so sweet... dun worry... we didnt do anythin much... cause she dun let... wahahaha.. hai... anyway, i didnt mind.. i am just happy to the shit hole max with her around with me.. the nitez pass by very quickly and we checked out the second day...

on 2nd of sept, it was my birthday!!! me and linlin went to escape theme park to play!! haha.. very long nv go play these things liao... we rode the car together and race... hehe... of course i won la... but she also not bad leh... hehe.. we dunno sit how many times pirate ship.. every time my heart feel like jumping out... haha.. i didnt show it outside cause i want save face ma.. got other ppl.. but inside, i actaully screaming like fuck.. it was so fun.. everythin she did with me made me feel just so in love... hee... jealous rite??? but she really very nice to me la.. although she will throw temper on me sometimes.. and we quarrel sometimes.. but tts part of the relationship wat.. rite? quarreling with her always makes me feel so sad.. hai.. but nvm la... as long as we forgive and forget can liao.. tts wat couples should do rite?? rite now, we're still the same.. as sweet as before... she's the best thing that ever happen to me....

there are some other events tt happen also la... but lazy to say sia... currently i'm in my the other stopover in tep liao.. now i'm in KM. haha.. song ah here.. everyday play game... but i tell u.. i play till quite sick sometimes leh... 8 hours in sch.. play all the way.. haha wtf rite? here, i met alot of friends.. hehe.. all of them so fun to hang out with.. all very easy going... i still scared tt i may not get used of other classes in the first place ah... but heng la... hehe... oh.. ya.. i also wanted to tell u one thing.. there was once, i dunno y.. i suddenly exploded when 3 guys stared at me.. i really regret doing that u noe... hai.. i am also so short temper... and i find it hard to control myself when i'm angry... i need to control my temper... i very long nv explode so suddenly liao... i can recall that the last time i did tt was in sec sch days.. thats y i every year also will have one fight at least de... i told myself i wont go create trouble for myself le... but... tt day.. i nearly go punch those guys again.. lucky i didnt... if not i sure regret more de....

today is my 7th month with linlin... hehe... very fast... but she still got fyp to do after sch... tt means i will only get to meet her at nitez.. but nvm la.. as long as got see her can le.... planned to go watch movie later with her... hehe... time really flies... i hope tt it will pass by slower... cause next year, maybe lin will go aus study le... i will wait for her to come back de.... linlin ah... i wont stop u from goin to do the things u want... but i will miss u like siao here 1 loh... hee.. all i can do now is to treasure u every single day till u leave... dear dear.... see u later!! miss ya~~

time files..

2006-07-28T03:48:00.000+08:00

time passes by so quickly.. bao bei and i five months le.. its like we've been together for only a while... its like i can still rem noeing her in pri sch... the same class we were together then.. she always look so cute... even till now.. i'm really a lucky bastard to have her by my side.. i just read her blog.. feel kind of sad.. cause she say she cant wait to go oversea so quickly... y.....? if she goes, wont she miss me? i'll miss her like fuck every single day if she goes de... i may be very selfish if i dun allow her to go.. but if she really manage to go there, i'll surport her all the way.. she's really very nice to me... and i will nv take advantage of tt... i want her everyday to be happy and happier.. i cant help her much in sch... but i can do every other thing with her just to make her happy... i'm really willing to do it...

dear ah.. i really hope u wont get bored of me so fast... dun be so sick of ur life k? dun expect too many things for urself... ure only human.. dun always stress urself too much k? can learn abit from me in slacking in life... there's alot of crappy things u can do.. slowly find interest in doing the things u dun usually do, like tt, u can waste alot of time de... i'll go find u whenever i'm free de.. i'll defitenitly try my best to find u everyday de... i'll always be by ur side if ever u needed some1... dun feel alone k? for freindship part, i can be ur best friend as well ma.. can crap with me.. and at the same time, be sweet to me.. hehe... like tt good rite? u make me wanna be different... i'm not the boring and lazy guy i used to be le.. really... now, i'll try my best to do my things well and dun disappoint u... no one will ever take ur place in my heart de... u have already filled up 80% in my heart liao leh.. hehe.. my heart is so big and yet u can fill up so much space in it... like tt very powerful le u noe? hehe..

everyday passes by w/o even realising it... we muz jia you together for a better future k? life is really very unpredictable.. i may involve in any accident anytime.. no one noes... so, we muz love each other to the fullest every single day k? i may not be as good as others... but, i'll defitenitly love u more then any other ppl can do... i dunno y i'm falling so deeply for u.. my heart just tell me to do so.. it tells me to protect u from harm, to give u happiness, to give u all the good things in this world... and also, to give myself to u.. i noe tt if next time, if ever u dun want me anymore, i'll feel really hurt.. and i might not be able to stand up for a long period of time.. but tt doesnt matter... cause i just want is the present... which is now.... even if tml u dun want me anymore, i wont blame u... i'll not regret any shit tt i've done or did not do.. bao bei ah... dun ever feel scared to love me too much k? i may not be as good lookin as others, i may not be as good as ur other ex... but there's 1 thing i'm really really certain about.. and that is, i wont be not truthful to u.. i wont lie about the love i have for u.. u understand ma....? no matter wad the future may be, u'll always have me de.. promise!!!! u see huh.. i say promise le... so muz believe hoh... put more faith in me.. i wont disappoint u like ur past... i wont make u feel like shit like how u used to be.. cause.. i'll nv want a single day of ur life to be miserable again.. trust me k....? bao bei.. i love u... happy 5 months and 1 day anniverary..

dear..

2006-07-03T02:21:00.000+08:00

its 2:17am now. i should be slpin.. haha.. but dunno y.. still cant get to slp.. noe my bao bei is slping so soundly now... just now at her house still acc her slp.. ahe look sooooo sweet when she's slping.. love u dear..

we may be quarreling past 2 days.. but today is so nice rite? still took nicole down for a walk.. i noe ure moody past few days.. i'm only sad because i'm of no help to u.. instead, i made u feel worse.. sorry dear... all i wish is for u to get well real soon... i love u.. u noe it.. take good care of urself k? if not, i'll nag u non stop de... hehe.. wish u get well soon!! i want the baobei who likes to disturb me always to come back soon!! miss ya always... nitez!!

let me write a poem.

2006-06-17T01:54:00.000+08:00

let me write a poem for everybody.

i am useless, i am dumb.
i am not rich, i am stupid.
i'm a bustard, i am fuck.
i'm jealous of others, and i suck.
i let ppl down, and make them sad.
i am shitty, and i'm worthless.
my brain thinks alot, and it hurts like hell.
my heart is tearing, and i wan to smash them up.
besides smashin my brain, there's 1 more thin i wanna smash.
and that is my fucking little testicles that cant stop a shit!!!!

hahaha.. thats the fucking annoying chee bye bustard me!! cheers~~ hahahahahahaha..

finally bloggin again loh!!!

2006-06-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

its been so so long since i last blog le.. hehe... just now i still got difficulty finding my password and username to log in ah.... hahaha... now its 1.50am. last friday, i went genting with lin lin and her family.. it was so much fun!!!! but always.. happy moments always pass by so quickly de... but nvm la.. there'll be so many more chances de... i want to go holiday with my baobei again!!! i miss the past few days so so much... on thursday, i went to meet lin lin after sch at 6p.m. then we went bukit gombak i think.. west mall to buy some stuffs.. i still rem i was so hungry at that time.. hehe.. after that we came to my house and dear dear help me in packing my bag to go genting. hehe.. went to her house for dinner and pack her bag together. after which i spend the 1st nite over at her house and the ting zhang. hehe.. her living room actually very nice to slp loh.. w/o nicole of course. hehe.. cause it'll surely attack me de.. haha.. wake up at around 4.45 and got ready to set off to genting!!! her dad was a very good driver loh. he drove for so so long.. every1 fell aslp in the car.. i tried to stay awake so that i can peep at my silly baobei while she's slping. hehe.. dear.. ure really really very the cute when ure slping leh.. hee.. the 1st place we went to play was sunway lagon. i played in the lazy river and the slides with zu xiang and lin lin.. at 1st, that silly gal say dun wan her hair to get wet.. haha.. play in water wear can stay dry de.... hai.. sometimes she really very cute loh... then in the end, the 1 with the hair most wet 1 is her.. haha.. after that we went to eat. then Vroom!! off we go to genting liao. we got there around evenin time. 6 plus i think. went to check in then put our bags at the room 1st. the door no. was 23726 and 23727 i think.. hehe.. although the room was not very big, but it was cozy and nice.. dunno leh.. with baobei, everythin seems just so wonderful... hehe.. 1st day, we went to eat, then her parents went casino. then we go walk walk. the place was so cooling and nice... ah.... miss that place so much.. on the 2nd day, we went to the themepark. haha.. its been quite sometimes since i played all those things le.. instead of screaming when i'm on the lying down rollercoaster, i kept on laugh. cause i was just so happy.. hehe... zu xiang enjoyed himself too i think. and i really hope lin lin also enjoy.. i can say i laugh throughout my 2nd day. hehe.. after that, we went to eat. then go sing songs!! hehe.. very long didnt sing with her le.. i enjoyed so much singing with her and also listenin to her sing... just feel like kissing her after every song she sang.. after singin, we went to play arcade!! haha.. play datona together and got a high score there.. hehe.. then bao bei say i played that game grow up 1.. where got la... i so long didnt play le loh.. hehe... after that, we went back to the room and slp... 3rd day. had breakfast at starbucks. it was so so nice loh.. only baobei, me and zu xiang. her parents went to chiong casino for the last day. hehe.. her parents very cute also leh... hahaha.. we went to ripley's believe it or not.. haha.. it was so amazing loh.. we had our shadows put on the wall.. i held her hands and raised my left leg. that was my pose in that shadow. haha.. after that we went to walk a thing.. dunno wats tt.. i walk till damn giddy loh.. haha.. cant walk straight when i'm in it... wahahaha... after tt went to play bowling and pool. i teached her brother how to play pool and we played 3 matches.. baobei won me in the last round. wow!! she become more power liao.. hehe... :p after playing, i become a little sad le.. cause got to go back liao... on the way back to singapore, again, everybody's slping except for her dad of course. i'm also not slping.. i was looking at dear dear slping on my shoulder. i sayang her almost thorughout the trip.. wonder she got feel it not.. i hug her tighter a little bit whenever she had sudden movements.. think she's dreaming. hehe.. wonder wat dream she had... wonder wat she's thinkin then...
thats about it for the genting trip...

dear... for the things that i've done wrong.. i hope u'll forgive me.. sometimes i really cant control wat i'm doing.. i dun mean to hurt u and stuffs.. my heart aches so much everytime i noe i make u upset.. i will think tt i'm so useless already and plus i make u sad somemore... thats y i'll feel so depress... but after all, i'll pick myslef up and be back to my own self again. i'm learning to be strong and i wont of course do anymore stupid things tt make u upset le.. if i do, i hope we'll talk things out.. if u got anythin unhappy bout me, just tell me.. dun keep quiet k? i'll tell u everythin but dun get angry after i tell u k....? baobei... ure my everythin... u really mean alot to me and i'll nv want to lose u.... not now.. not ever... believe in my love for u k....? i've nv been so devoted b4.. i want u to understand this.. i will make mistake here and there.. not only me, u will also.. every1 else makes mistakes too... but if u are willing to work things out with me and forgive each other, our relationship will be better de... really... thrust me k? i'll give u all my xing fu de....... cause everything i do for u is worth it if i can just get a tight hug from u.. see the smile on ur face everyday... and get the love from u in return.. ure the best thin that ever happen to me......................

sorry dear...

2006-04-23T05:33:00.000+08:00

this is for my baobei lin de... now its 5.30 am.. i'm still feeling so guilty bout wad i did just now... i'm really and truthly sorry bout that lie i lied to u... i noe i'm in the wrong.. and u have the right to give me attitude, scold me, punish me... but dun because of these, u start to think bout negetive stuffs k...? today is the 1st time i didnt send u back home... i felt so... wierd... i'm goin to see u everyday de... its not i have to.. but its i want to... u understand ma? u meant so much to me... sch starts le... there might be difference here and there... but dun worry... i'll still love u as i'm doin now.. i dun ever wanna live a life w/o u... k...? dun think bout the negative things... try not to let ur past take over u... i'll help u bring everythin back to normal so tt u can love some1 entirely again... no matter wat happen, just dun give up k? there'll surely be more and more activities for us de... our journey together will last as long as i'm alive de... i noe i'm a very useless bf... no money... no looks... just noe how to do stupid things and try make u laugh... i dun even noe how to make a lie to u... but although i'm stupid, not good lookin, and no money, i really love u alot alot... i'll work hard on everythin... have faith in me k...? i'm not as weak as i may seem.. i mean my heart.. although sometimes, i may be lost, but dun worry.. i'll pick myself up every now and then... trust me... k???

dun ever say things like u wanna have more happy memories b4 there will not be any left... our happy memories wont end de... unless its u who give me up 1st... u noe, when i read ur blog and saw how u felt and think just now, i felt kind of hurt... i'm not as unreliable as u think i might be... really...

and when u were angry with me just now, i felt so scared.. scared tt u will not forgive me... i didnt noe wat to say back then.. but i was really guilty and sad... my heart hurts whenever i tried to hold ur hand and u dun allow... i'll nv wan to have this feelin again le... and if i do lie to u next time.. i'll make a white lie.. and not somethin tt will hurt u... i noe u dun like me to promise things... tts y i say this.. my baobei yanlin... i'll try to spend every of my free time with u from now onwards.. i think i'll not meet my friends tt often anymore.. dun feel bad about it k? because, its my own free will... i want u more then anythin else... i'll still meet up with them, just tt not so often... though we're only together for around 55 days, but u've already taken up so much space in my heart le... hehe.. i'll nv let u go... nor will i hurt u like ur past...

rite now.. we've not even finish the introduction of our journey together... there'll be alot alot alot more of 'ME' to come... dun get bored of me k....? dear... rite now its 6am already... noe ure slpin soundly now... jus now talk to u till u fell aslp again... i talked quite alot while u slp... really hope u heard them... i'm for real this time... have a little more faith in our relationship k....? if u dun trust me.. at least trust ur feelings k....? it'll nv go wrong de... i really hope u can feel how much u meant to me and how much i love u... good nitez dear... see u in the mornin... i'll go take a rest now.. will wake up at 10 plus then go meet u le... k...? baobei... wan an... and i'm really sorry for today.... =
(

life.... death.... everythin...

2006-04-12T04:28:00.000+08:00

on the 4th, 5th, and 6th of april, were the happiest days of my life... got to be with my dearest and sweetest yanlin for more than 48 hours.. for the 2 mornin that i got up, just by seeing her by my side, i felt so... xing fu... i really love her so much....... if she wasn't there for the chalet, if we're not together, i'll still be happy at the chalet i think... but i wont be able to feel the other type of happiness... which is the best feelin on earth.. to love some1, and get their love in return... its really the best thin... now then i finally come to realise that to love some1, and also at the same time, they fall for u, its really a difficult thin... the timing for the couple to have feelings for each other, the guts to tell the other party that u like them, how ure goin to express urself... all this really needs time and maybe fate... i really do cherish yanlin with everythin i have... the 3 days at the chalet, i had lots and lots of fun.. with friends and with my most beloved yanlin... that was the 1st time i hug her till i sleep... these days will remain with me forever....

just now, i had another crazy nite with my crazy friend... mark and dicky... hahaha.. we went to a street soccer court nearby mark's house and played... was kind of noisy... when i saw 2 police car drove past, we ran to take our belongings and ran like hell... haha.. was so tired... but we didnt end there... mark's sudden urge to kick soccer was really strong... haha... went to the field near jiemin primin there and kick... haha... had so much fun down there... there was once, i totally cant take it liao... then i lie on the ground... lookin at the sky... started to think bout my baobei... noe she's sleepin really tightz now... hee... then came to think bout lots of stuffs... wonder if i'll be able to see another shootin star not... but didnt la.. haha... we talk cork for the rest of the time there... suddenly, i just thought of ppl dying... wat will happen then? is there really a afterlife? heaven? hell? which part will i be goin to? or issit that death simply means a final fullstop in watever u do....? and its the end... u'll have no feelings, no friends, and no love ones... when i came to think of that, i'm really really very scared... scared that 1 day... i'll just be gone... dead.......... wat will happen to me? ppl will be talking bout me in past tense... which i definitely dun want!! i could not bare to part with so many ppl... esp the 1 i love most... yanlin... and my friends... family... i dun wan this happiness with my baobei to ever end... i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really DUN WANT!!!!!!!!!!! i promise i'll be a good boy if our love will not end... i'll work hard for my future... i'll care bout the 1 tt i love more... i just dun wan to end just like tt..... now when i come to think bout it, i think i noe wat life is about... actually, the greatest gift that 1 can ever have is.... life itself... yanlin... i'll cherish every moment i have with u de.... if not, i'll LBS!!!! haha... u thought me this new word de... hehe... ure my angel... the 1 tt makes me think so much... now, i have no cigarettes with me... and i plan not to buy a pack tml... i wonder if i can take it or not... i want to spend my time more worthwhile... i'll really try my best de... but if i cant do it tml, dun blame me k? and dun feel disheartened either... i'll continue to work hard as long as u still love me... thank u so much for every thin... i love you........ =) muackz!!!!!!!!!

1 month le!!

2006-03-28T01:17:00.000+08:00

bu zhi bu jue... i've been with my bao bei for a month le... very fast leh... hee... we've been seeing each other for everyday ever since i finished my last paper... just now was our 1st month together.. we did nothin much.. so sorry dear.. i did not bring her out, cause really got no money with me.. all we did was, come my house eat dinner with my family, then watch king kong together with my dad.. haha.. bao bei watch till nearly fell aslp.. it must be really bored for her... =( after which, we spend around 45 min in my room.. hehe... it was so sweet loh.. she hugged me so tightly.. could hear her breadthin just beside me... just by lookin at her, my heart melts.. i felt si xing fu and happy with her.. every other thin just doesn't matter much to me when i'm with her... bao bei.. ure really the best person that i can ever have.. this kind of happiness just couldn't be explain by words...

she asked me, how come i kept on kiss her.. actually.. i really dunno y... i cant stare at her for too long.. i'll go kiss her de.. on her cheek, forehead, lips... everytime i did that, i just have a feelin that i'm fallin more and more for her.. each kiss represent 1 "i love u". i dun kiss her for fun u noe? ha.. sometimes.. i just wanna tell her how much she meant to me.. but i dunno wat to say and how to put them in words.. i'm so dumb rite? but lucky she accepted this dumb me.. or maybe she's more dumb than me? haha... die liao.. when she see this, she'll come disturb me liao.. and ya!! she's the only gal that dare to disturb me like this de loh.. other than me er jie of course.. haha.. but dunno y leh.. the more she disturb me, the more i love her.. haha.. no matter wad she does to me, as long as it doesn't hurt my heart, i'm very willin to let her do de... bite me, beat me, punch me, watever she wants.. i'll allow de..

just now while walkin her back home, she told me that she afraid that all this happiness will be gone next time.. just like how that freaking guy treated her.. i really dunno wat i must do to assure my pressence with her throughout the days till she leaves me.. i'm actually very scared that 1 day, she'll find me boring, not so fun to play with anymore.. then she'll loose feelin for me.. i'm scared too actually.. i tried not to show it.. cause.. i dun wan her to feel tt she has not done enough for me.. actully all the things she does for me, i really can see that she loves me.. but.. i still cant help feelin insecure.. a normal guy like me doesnt really deserve such great gal to be with me de.. i really dunno wat good things i've did to deserve such great gift... and now, i've gotten this gift le, i'll treasure her until the very last moment.. dun ever think of runnin away from me hoh tell u... dun say i didnt warn u huh... haha... bao bei... u'll always have me de.. as long as u care and loves me, my love for u will nv change... somba!!!! we'll surely have 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 1 year, 2 years and nv ending anniversary de... hehe.. hope u'll not dump me by then... haha.. love ya sooooooooooo much... crazy over u le la.. die liao.. no image le... but nvm la.. u dun mind can liao.. who cares bout other ppl oppinion? haha..

all i wan is u...

2006-03-21T03:29:00.000+08:00

another day has happy day has past.. really hope everyday will have my ben dan with me.. but still.. i'm really scared tt 1 day, this happiness will be gone.. just now is lin's birthday, we went to watch date movie, which i laugh till very loud.. lin told me de... hehe.. then we actually wanted to go east coast.. but it was rainin veru heavily.. hai.. nvm la.. we'll surely have the chance to go again de.. rite? we went to town instead after the movie.. when we got there, my head hurts like shit.. cause i didnt slp much these days i think.. but lin was there.. the concern she showed for me really touched me.. even though i didnt say out just now.. but i really can feel her love.. she brought me go eat fried fish bee hoon.. ah.. it was very very nice.. haha.. didnt noe lucky plaza got such nice food leh.. haha.. after the dinner, we went play pool... ah.. i lost to her twice ah.. my ben dan quite powerful leh.. haha.. off we went to esplanade.. had quite a relaxing, yet fun time over there.. took some pic.. which she look so cute in it.. haha.. how i wish i can spend everyday like this..

if not for her, there'll not be the current me.. i'm really a lucky fucking shit loh.. haha.. miss her everyday... ben dan.. all i want is u now.. cannot dump me leh tell u.. if not i pok u ah!! haha.. love ya............

bao bei's birthday comin soon le.....

2006-03-15T11:54:00.000+08:00

time pass by kind of fast huh? i can still rememeber lin and me goin to places like kallang, went under blk drink, talked, went lower seletar reservoir there, party world, even b4 we're together... now the 2 of us together le... hee.. lucky me... just now she ask me go back slp.. i tried to.. but cant.. so.. i thought of coming blog loh..

ben dan de birthday comin le... i really wish i have the money to at least buy a small gift for her.. now.. i really have no money at all... and about my chalet with my friends, i really got no money to pass to her now... not tt i dun wan to.. i noe mq came up alot.. i think once i get my pay, i pass her all of it... tt day her msg really quite provoking.. i dunno wats in her mind... before she even msg me, i'm already very troubled over my family matters le.. i'm so worried for my grandma now... u noe, she bo tai bo zi go and pass on her last will.... as if she noe she's leaving liao... but i noe she wont de... i really hope she wont.. tts y i wanna cherish her from now on... my er jie had a quarrel with my dad the other day and i didnt even noe.. nobody told me tt... i was the last to noe... i felt quite... useless... about the money stuff, i hope mq can live a few days with not so much cash.. cause i've been no cash for a very very long time also liao.. but i still wont die.. haha.. i'll return her asap.

yan lin.. she's my only source of happiness other than mark... really dunno wat to do if the 2 of them are not here... she.. really makes me wanna be better, stronger and... happier... i hope she wont tired herself out cause she got to acc me.. i feel that i'm really troublesome... but.. i'll jia you, and be better de... all i wan is to see lin's smile, hear her laughter everyday... she meant so much to me......... tts y.. i'll surely do somethin for her on her birthday de.. i have no money.. but i'll think of ways de... promise!! hee...

happy happy!!

2006-03-10T01:29:00.000+08:00

today went k box with lin and xue ni.. haha.. sang till quite song.. but i think i sing lousier each day leh.. hai.. but nvm.. tt ben dan dun find it er xing can liao.. haha.. dun care other ppl say.. :P after tt she came my house watch dvd.. dun worry.. its not porn.. haha.. its just a freaking gay show... haha... so funny loh.. and "interesting" haha.. ben dan.. actually, from the things ure willing to do for me, i already noe ure for real le.. thank u... and remember our $100 fine if u hide somethings from me huh... but if i do, u must give me discount k...? i very poor de... hahaha.. :P

although we're together for around 1 1/2 weeks, we're like so... close le.. hee... its like i've been with her for such a long long time liao... did so many things together tt made me sooooo happy... hehe... i'll cherish u with all tt i have de... just now at nitez went to meet mark, jordan and boleh.. and tt fucking boleh ask me wat my gf likes about me... say till i damn lousy then still got such a nice gf... say till i quite sad loh.. haha.. but noe he's kiddin de la.. so i forgive him.. see, i so good de... hahaha.. goin to call lin now le.. i'll update again soon~~~

quit motorola le...

2006-03-07T07:06:00.000+08:00

among the 3 days i work in motorola, today is the most tiring day of all.. dunno y the aunty like pms like tt.. knn.. keep scold me... haha.. but now finish work loh... all i'm thinkin of is lin now... she actually waited for me to have my breaks just to acc me to talk... i'm so touched... love ya soooooo much!! hehe.. but after my 3am break, she went slp le.. 5 am, i cannot tahan then ran outside.. brought my phone along.. was listenin to her breadthin sound which i had recorded in my phone.. close my eyes and imagine her slpin.. she's been very tired these days cause of me.. i feel quite guilty actually... dui bu qi.. dear... i'm really glad tt ure with me.. i feel so happy, overjoyed when i see u... talk to u.. everythin is just too good to be truth... i cant believe all this is happenin to me.. haha.. but whenever i think of these good things, i will wonder.. if all this happiness will be gone just tml not.. i can feel the love from u.. but its just that.... maybe i have too little confidence in myself..

just check my friendster.. leonard msg me there.. after i read this, i feel so much better.. at least he thinks tt lin and i suit each other.. this is wat he wrote to me..

"hey bro.. dunno why but i feel soo happy for you.. =) cant stop > smiling.. haha.. you've been single for some time now and its > your time now..hehe..i know you'll treat her really good..nice > work man..she looks pretty cute and you guys look cute > together..lol..im serious..jia you man..> now its my turn to be single and everything eh? hahaha..im > jealous!! i really miss her soo much..haix..anyway, ill be fine.."

this words from that fucker meant alot to me.. cause he's the 1st person that tell me this.. haha.. actually i feel sad and also worried bout him.. dunno wat he is thinkin in his mind after zx broke up with him.. really hope he's fine... leonard, dun worry too much.. after ur studies, come back singapore and go after her once again.. surely can de... haha..

later on, after i wake up, i'll go find lin.. hehe.. so excited!! dunno must wear wad later... haha... ah.... feeling quite tired now.. goin bathe then slp loh.. b4 i slp, i'll look at my desktop for a while.. wanna look at my wallpaper... haha... =p i'll go slp till bao bao later.. after tt i'll call my ben dan loh.. haha..

how i wish can see u now...

2006-03-03T07:07:00.000+08:00

just got home from work.. i'm tired.. but above that, i miss her even more.. for that undescribed 12hours at motorola alone, all i think of was her... really wanted to go find her immediately after work.. but she got to sleep... yesterday, i did somethin terrible... dui bu ci... i made her cried yesterday.. my heart felt so pain that to the extend of exploding.. i dunno wad to do... i feel so... useless.. i told her that i'll jia you in ungrading myself.. go work, study better, and think more bout myself.. but it was until last nitez tt i found out that i cant work motorola.. i talked to her during every break i had.. i felt so so so much better when talkin to her at a corridor.. it was until the second time of my break that my phone went low batt and cut off the line so quickly b4 i could even hear a good bye from her... i was so sad... wanted to call her back.. but i have no friends there at all.. i cant even find a public phone.. i was late back to work cause of this... got a little lecture from some1 there.. but i didnt seem to care.. nothin went into my ear... it was then, every min, i'll think of her.. the things she said.. the things we did... and the times we had together.... i was still doin my work.. but my mind just cant stop thinkin bout her.. wonder if she slps already.. wonder wat she's doin, wonder wat she wanted to tell me... i cant forget that 4 hours in my house "ben dan...." during my last breaktime, i held my phone.. watchin the no batt phone.. i suddenly felt so lost... i cant help but started smoking... altogether starting from 12am, i smoked 6 sticks already.. i already tried to control le dear... hope u understand..

i'm really tired now.. my spine aches like shit.. but i just wanna say out how i feel rite now... yan lin is the best thing tt ever happen to me.. i really dunno tt we'll last not.. but for all i can say is.. i'll nv let her go 1st...... i'll go find another more flexible job that does not require to work so long.. i wanna talk to her every nite untill she falls aslp... wanna hear her laughter when i say somethin stupid... wanna tell her... i love her so much every day...

and u noe wat? my mom just got up.. and the moment she got up, she started to nag me... i'm not in the mood now.. mom... y u always pick the wrong time to scold me....? she nag not because i'm still not sleepin after work.. she nags me because i told her maybe i wanna quit... and look for some other jobs... she makes me even worse now...

but when i think of yanlin now... i suddenly felt better.. i'm not so frustrated anymore... u noe somethin...? she makes me feel that i wanna be different.. better... its like even somethin really bad happens to me... if she's around, i'll bound to be alright... whenever i see her, there is a undercribeble happiness... only she can does this... i'm just a nobody without her... xie xie ni.. and.. dui bu ci rang ni ku yesterday.. really.. i promise i will listen to watever u have for me and wan me to do..

roller blading so fun!!

2006-02-27T16:02:00.000+08:00

yesterday, yanlin and i went roller blading!! with xue ying and allan.. it was so much fun.. hehe.. allan blade till very good.. but i sux like shit.. like so.. useless.. cant even teach yanlin how to blade.. cant even prevent her from falling.. the only thing i can do is to fall with her.. make sure she dun get injured more than i do... nvm.. next time i go practice till i very powerful.. then can liao.. haha.. yesterday pass by so quickly.. and i enjoy alot alot.. hee..
after blading, we walk almost the entire east coast i think.. haha.. the distance we walked is very long.. but it doesn't seem long either.. maybe i'm used to walk so much with her.. hehe.. i only felt tired after i send her home and while walkin back home.. haha.. and yesterday was our first.. ehem ehem... haha.. at the beach.. it was so... sweet.. so nice.. so... happy.. besides my friends and family, she's my everythin le.. love u sooooooooooooooooo much...!! haha.. this friday she'll be goin to malaysia with her friends.. but i cant go with her.. hai.. hope she'll enjoy herself and of couse enjoy safely.. actually, i really bu fang xing her to go de.. haha.. but nvm la.. her friends also go there so many times le.. nothin will happen de...
that ben dan.. today went see doctor cause she got allergy.. she cant eat to much seafood and fried de things.. she say this is nothin serious.. but how come i think its quite serious huh...? haha.. hope she wont eat so much seafood le.. next time i wont allow her eat de.. eh.. but cannot la.. later she not happy with me.. maybe a little? haha..
i really feel very very xing fu now.. thank u my ben dan......... last nitez i talk to her till i fell aslp.. haha.. how come huh.. i dun even noe when i fell aslp de.. but i think like tt very nice.. the last voice i heard b4 i slp is her.. wake up also her.. this kind of feeling and life is so... great.. hee.. no matter how long its goin to take for her to settle down her thoughts, i'm also willing to wait.. as long as she likes me.. its more than enough le.... miss her everyday!!!! ah... really fa hua chi le la.. haha.. i'm so happy now!! i dun care and dun wan to think wat will happen in the future le... because i'm just so happy and contented now... =)

yan lin just fall aslp... hee..

2006-02-25T03:38:00.000+08:00

now its 3.30 plus in the morning... dun wanna go slp.. cause i scared after i slp liao, i'll forget to write down wat i wan le.. haha... today, meiqi come my house talk cock.. then help me decorate my blog till nice nice.. still got song some more loh... haha... thanks!! after tt, i went out at around 7pm to meet mark.. went arcade with him till 8.45, then i chao le.. got to go find my ben dan ma... hehe.. was with her at somewhere near the fullerton hotel there.. the place was so nice loh... and we hold hands while we walk.. ah....... so sweet... haha..
after tt, we went to somewhere near esplanate there to eat.. i got no money.. so didnt eat with her.. u noe, sometimes i just feel so sux... cause i have no money with me... sick of being poor.. i wan go work.. but dunno can work where... i wanna have lots of money, so i can buy things for both myself and yan lin.. bring her to places fun to play also.. and eat with her whenever she's hungry... hee..
just ten mins ago, i hung the phone with her... she fell aslp when talking.. hee... i think this is quite sweet la.. cause the last voice she heard was mine.. haha.. later she got nightmare then i die liao.. hee.. can hear tt she's really tired... after she slpet, i continue to talk.. i said so many more things.. ha.. was like a idoit.. talking to some1 who wont reply me de.. hehe.. but nvm la.. she told me even if she slps, she'll listen to somethin 1.. so i just wan her to hear me even if she's aslp.. haha..
dun think tml i'll go kayaking le.. just msg jia liang and told him i not goin.. but i'll go during weekdays to train de... i've not given up on kayaking yet.. hope tml i dun go, coach wont feel disappointed in me.. now its 3.52 le.. think i'll end here... just wanna end with.. i'm really happy these days... u've brighten up my life so much.. (u noe who u are..) thanks!!

together??

2006-02-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

i'm very very happy today.. haha.. yan lin and i went for a movie i not stupid 2.. its so nice loh tt show... remind me of a little of my past and my family.. but tts not the main point la.. haha.. the main point is, i am just glad tt she's by my side... hee... after tt, we went to sembawang park.. the place was rather nice.. the breeze was good... it was so relaxing.. just slaking around with her... then... hee... i actually manage to hug her!!! ah............. althought there's 1 part, my entire left arm went numb, i still do not wanna let go of her... cause... i'm scared once i let go, i'll nv have the chance again le... the night went on like this.. hee... its really like we're together le... but.. i still do not noe until just now when we talk on phone.. i understand her... if maintainin this way is the best option for her, then i'll just go with it. hee.. as long as she's happy, i will too... really really like her alot le... its been quite sometimes since i felt this type of xing fu le... i'm really contented and happy le... will miss her tml de....

y cant slp....?

2006-02-23T01:56:00.000+08:00

just study finish... kind of tired... but just cant slp... y...? hai... damn bored loh... issit cause didnt talk with her? not used to it? haha... eh!! cannot like this... i must learn to get use of being alone sometimes... cannot to too dependent on some1... wah lao... i sound like cha bo sia... cannot.. haha... i just came to blog cause i cant slp... then got nothin to do.. got nothin much to say le... next time ba...

LAST paper LOH!!! hahaha.. yeah!!

2006-02-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

after tml 10.30am, i'm officially on holiday for 1 1/2 months le... yeah!! so happy... but still got to go work... nvm la.. its better than study rite? haha.. just hate books.... another thin tt i'm happy about is because i can go out with yan lin more loh.. haha.. these few days of exams really miss her so much... even though got talk to her on phone everyday la.. haha.. then she say i fa hua chi.. hee.. maybe really got a little bit la.. haha..
jia liang ask me tml go swim after exam.. i straight away say yes to him.. haha.. wanna go relax loh.. song ah...
today dunno why suddenly felt so lost and empty when i was waiting for fucker mark... haha.. but lucky got yan lin msg to acc me.. hee.. actually, i never once dare to think of her liking me.. cause.. she's just too good for me.. i thought the time that i can be with her, is in my dreams.. or am i dreaming now? if i'm really dreaming now, then i'll never wanna wake up le... just slp and slp and enjoy every moment...
there's so many things i wanna do with her de... but w/o money, it'll be so difficult to bring her out and stuffs... hai.. nvm.. i'll go work after exams.. then will have lots and lots of money liao.. haha... the only thin i'm afraid is that i will not be able to spend much time with her... sux leh... only if money can fall from the sky... eh.. or maybe tml i'll find lots of money on the ground? haha... (hope so la.. who wont?) haha... now got to go bathe then continue study loh... last paper liao leh... cannot slack... hahaha...

econs finally over... haha

2006-02-20T22:19:00.000+08:00

yeah!! management and econs finally over le... hope i'll pass them and not see them again for the rest of my life.. hahaha.. but still got poa and stats.. hai... later after this got to go back study the stupid poa... these few days really really stressed up by the exams.. luckily i still got my stupid friends... haha.. and also a ben dan to pei me all these while.. :P if not i really dunno wat will happen to me... maybe i'll smoke even more than i do now..

really bored now.. really dun feel like studyin.. but no choice.. hai.. tml i dunno how i'm goin to come up with cigarettes le.. this pack which i bought finishin le.. sian.. hate it when i have to fan about cigarettes.. ah!!! just now talk to that ben dan.. i noe she really wish that i can quit smokin.. but i cant garantee her.. w/o her, i dun think quitin smokin will even come to my mind.. but now.. part of me wants to quit.. part of me dun.. y...? i should be want to quit.. but y...? how come part of me doesn't want to part with smoking..? i really dunno.. wat am i scared of... maybe as time goes by, i'll noe y... as for now, after listenin to 2 more songs, i got to go back study liao.. ah...................

freaking EXAMS!!!!!!!

2006-02-19T16:33:00.000+08:00

Ah!!!! economics... sux to the max shit ah... i'm feeling so stressed up now.. got to take a break... but i finished my cigarettes... damn it... its like my head goin to explode at any time... still got 4 more chapter to go.. oh man.. how am i goin to survive the last few chapter when i'm already fully dead now... hai...

i really feel like smoking now.. but when i come to think of some1.. the urge is not so much after all.. ha... keep on think of her too... really hope can see her now... even if the both of us dun say a thing, i also dun mind.. i feel happy, calm, just with her around.. really miss her... :(